Midnight Promenade

The life of a young adult is a curious one. You can’t really tell when you’re behaving as an adult should or you’re just reverting back to the childhood ideals of what adulthood should feel like. In simple terms, it means that every 18-year-old roaming around the planet is doing something stupid during their first few years as a fully-fledged independent adult. Obviously, as they grow into themselves, they become more resilient, a little more patient and hopefully a bit wiser than when they started out. But when you think about it, those first few years as an adult making numerous stupid mistakes are the most memorable ones. Flings, partying, getting shit faced far too many times than the liver would like and agreeing to way too many crazy ideas that your friends throw at you when you should be studying for your term exams are all things that we regret once the deed is done. But you have to admit, all that crazy nonsense that you did during your college days will always bring a smile to your face.

And one such nostalgic moment is the first summer break after term exams in Goa, spent with none other than three ridiculous friends, a stray dog and a whole lot of fun.

“Here, let me take that bag for you Sasha. It looks like you’ve packed a month’s worth of clothes in that suitcase of yours,” Lewis says, as he shifts his rucksack on top of the suitcase to drag the both of them together. The walk up to the farmhouse from the main gates was a longer than we expected, leaving my friend with her over stuffed lilac suitcase heaving with effort as we make our way to the front door. “Thanks Lou. I think I might have gone a bit overboard due to all the excitement for this trip,” she replies with a sheepish smile. “God, it’s such a relief not having to look at a city building or a textbook for the next couple of days. Yes, it might be really hot right now to the point where I probably will soon drown in a pool of my own perspiration, but we’re in Goa baby! All I can say is that I’m definitely returning back home with a gorgeous tan and an awesome tattoo,” she continues rambling as she adjusts her headband. “You do that Sash, but first let me show you’ll around the house,” Nathan says as he unlocks the door. “Welcome to the Varghese tropical paradise! Make yourselves at home,” he smiles gesturing to the house that is going to accommodate us for our holiday.

Sasha, Lewis and I have been friends since we first met as toddlers. All of us went to the same school, and spent most of our time around each other, hanging out, beating Lewis at his own video games and playing lame pranks on each other. In my tiny world which has always been restricted by my anxiety and social fears, these two have never left my side. When we entered the stage of adolescence, there was this new kid who had just moved from Delhi right across Sasha’s house, who kind of stared longingly at us from his window as we would walk ourselves to the park down the street in the evenings. One day, as we were going to play a small football match (with me as the goalie obviously, since asthma had made my lungs terrible at maintaining prolonged periods of running), Lewis accidentally kicked the ball into the kid’s house as the front door was open. We went up to get the ball back, and then continued towards the park, along with a beaming Nathan in tow. Since then our little group has been there for each other, so when college and different career paths separated us, it was hard. But that never stopped us from group conference calls and regular chats on Facebook, always keeping us in touch. So when Nathan proposed that we spend our summer break at his family’s home in Goa, it was a unanimous decision with no second thoughts. 

The two storeyed villa in front of us is a beautiful combination between rustic and modern with its sleek interior design, the Spanish style finishing and the bountiful display of greenery surrounding it. Nathan leads us around his family holiday home showing us the various rooms and then finally takes us to the bedroom me and Sasha will be sharing, which has an amazing view of the seafront. He tells us to get settled in for a while and freshen up before we head out for the day.

As he and Lewis leave us to get settled into their respective rooms, I close the door and turn around to see Sash sprawled across one of the double beds like a starfish. “Really Sash, you can’t take a nap right now. We need to unpack and get ready so that we can go out for lunch.” “Maya, we’re on holiday right now. If I don’t get to sleep now, I won’t be awake later tonight when we hit up Karan’s party,” she replies sleepily. “What party? I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I ask as pull out an outfit for the day from my luggage. “Oh you know Karan right? That senior from the football team who used to hang out with Kenneth back in school? Well, when he saw my Instagram feed about us arriving in Goa earlier, he texted me saying that he’s here too and he’s having a party at the villa he and his friends have rented. Invited us over and even said we could go exploring with them these next few days. I said yes to the party obviously, and might’ve also said that he and I could discuss the rest over a couple of drinks,” she says with a shit eating grin. “You are such a minx! Don’t tell me that you’re ditching us for the rest of the trip for a fling,” I scowl as I finish getting dressed. “Oh come on, don’t be like that. Besides, I bet you could also land yourself a potential fling if I get you drunk enough. Who knows, you might even end up skinny dipping,” she says with a sly smile and finally starts to get ready. “Yeah right, that’s not happening,” I reply as I liberally apply sunscreen on myself (I don’t tan unfortunately, I just get sunburnt). “We’ll see. I mean we’re just a bunch of 19 year-olds who have yet to explore the world, so I would suggest that you don’t keep assumptions and be a little more open minded,” she says as she adjusts her sundress.

Once we were ready, we make our way downstairs and meet up with the boys, who much to my dismay, also agree with Sasha about going to the party. But despite the potential rain cloud hovering over my head, the rest of the afternoon was such a happy one. We drove down to Panjim, bathed in the beautiful sunshine and ate way too much seafood. I also ended up buying a lot of bebinca and some summer clothing for Ananya while we were roaming through the market stalls. I was pretty content with how the day went, with its calm and relaxing atmosphere. And I also tried to convince the others that it was exactly what I needed, and told them I’d rather spend the night with my bebinca at the house than go to a party. Needless to say, the rain cloud has decided to turn my evening into a gloomy one as my friends drag to the party without caring for my opinion.

Now don’t get me wrong, I like parties. They can be fun, and being in college means I have been to my fair share of parties. But after a while, it’s the same scene all over. People dancing, alcohol spiked drinks, cheap food and that claustrophobic feeling that never eased whenever I go to a large gathering. You’d think it’d get easier, especially with some booze, but it doesn’t work my way all the time.

That’s why I’m sitting on a bench facing the sea with a stray dog. I sneaked out through the back door when I couldn’t stand being at the party anymore and pleasantly found myself on the beach. As I started walking towards the shore, I spotted this adorable dog wagging his tail and looking at me. The little thing looked pretty hungry and so I fed it the leftover burger I was munching on. Once he was done, he decided I needed a companion, and now the two of us are here enjoying the beautiful waves and the accompanying summer breeze.

“Ditching me for Romeo over there? I thought I was better company than that,” Nathan says as he takes a seat next to me. “Well, at least Romeo isn’t forcing me to submerge myself into a crowd of wasted idiots,” I reply as I take a sip of the soda he bought me. He pats the dog, who seems to like his new name, and looks at me. “Maya, I know it’s not easy, but we’re on holiday. We’ve literally been under the grinder these past few months, and have got a lot more of those in the future. At least we should give ourselves a break when we can, and I don’t like the idea of you staying by yourself in the house,” he says and holds my hand. “I know parties aren’t really your thing, but the whole point of this trip is so that all of us could spend some time together.” I sigh and look down at my feet, not replying because I couldn’t deny the fact that he’s right.

“Come on, we’re going for a walk,” he says, and pulls me up. “Romeo, you too.” We begin walking down the beach, the cool sand wiggling its way between our toes and the wind lifting our hair. The silence between us is comforting as we watch Romeo the dog wag his tail and trot ahead of us, running inshore whenever the waves splash near his feet. “I don’t want to be a damper, but don’t you think things have changed?” I ask as I look at Nathan. “What do you mean?” “We’re not those kids anymore who’d go down to the park and run around. We’ve gone from meeting every day to maybe chatting once a week. We want different things from life, and our idea of fun isn't pigging out on McDonald's and having movie marathons anymore. Going to different colleges has created distance between us, and none of us want to acknowledge it. Even though we’re on this trip together, it doesn’t feel the same.” Nathan stops and then gives me a knowing smile saying, “Of course it’s not the same. Here we are, in Goa, 6 years since we first met. You’ve changed from a very anxious, isolated girl to someone beautiful, strong and confident. If I’d taken you to a party like this a year ago you would have run out on me. True, you didn’t stay for long, but you willingly spoke to people while you were there. You even danced for a bit even though I know you won’t admit it.  And college Maya definitely knows how to turn on a charm, I can guarantee it by the number of heads you turned your way tonight. Maybe we’re not the same little kids anymore, but I can promise you that I’m not going anywhere, at least not without taking the three of you with me.”

I smile at him, and he beams right back at me and holds my hand just a bit tighter. I never noticed how bright his eyes were before, or how they naturally seemed to make my mood brighter. His deep laughter and laid back manner keeps me at ease,  while the dimple on his cheek and his messy hair just seem to add to his handsome physique. As we walk down the shore with the moonlight cocooning us like a blanket, following the happy little dog with its ever wagging tail, I finally began to notice the changes in him that I seemed to have missed out on. And I especially noticed how my heart seemed to beat faster as I felt the warmth of his hand radiate in mine.