Crowds, chocolate and mood swings

7:30 AM. Horns, construction work and endless morning traffic. These are my regular companions as I briskly walk my way down onto the railway platform, which unsurprisingly, is crowded as well. The sweltering heat along with the shouts of the local vendors dominate over the calls of Mother Nature as I wait for the arrival of the train. Briefcases, backpacks and sacks of produce lay on people’s shoulders as passengers push through the masses to make their way to their destination.  By now you may be wondering, which densely populated metropolitan city am I in? Well, it’s certainly not New York, where a resident citizen would stroll through into a compartment with a Starbucks in one hand and an overbearing boss screaming at you on the phone in the other. My location is a lot more challenging to be living in, both physically and mentally.  Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you one of the busiest, noisiest and colorful cities in the developing world, Mumbai.

Now, as a resident Mumbaikar, it is essential to know the rules for commuting across the city on a Monday morning. One, never get behind schedule.  Mumbai is the city that never sleeps and it certainly does not wait for you. Two, always be prepared with a backup plan. You can never predict when the bus you regularly take will be stuck in stagnant rush hour traffic or if the Western railway train is going to be invaded by Mithibaites and other college students late for their morning lectures. And don’t even suggest a cab or a rickshaw at this point. While the drivers may collect fare based on meter, the only way you’ll manage to get in one nowadays is if you’re heading their way. And the third, when push comes to shove, get into the overcrowded mode of transport if you want to see your next pay check. That’s why I stand here every Monday morning, just as my train arrives, praying to the Gods of work commute to grant me safe passage as I tread through dangerous area.

You see, I’m Maya George, an accountant at a local firm located in Bandra, and I have anxiety. I passed out of college with a somewhat above average grade and got a placement at the above mentioned firm while I was in my final year. As a 22-year-old green thumb, it’s a daily struggle juggling the hassles of life, from trying to keep your stereotypical Indian family happy and attempting to succeed at your new job. The social pressure exerted by my over achieving South Indian family along with the general expectations of the descendants of Aryabhata has resulted in me, along with the current generation of Gen Z Indians to turn into neurotic lab rats. So here I am, on platform 6 waiting for the least possibly crowded fast train to take me to work while my overthinking brain goes into a 2000 slide presentation about the problems in my mediocre, mostly dull life.

But fate is obviously not on my side. It’s 7:45 AM, and I am still standing on this platform because my train is somehow late. You’d think with the frequency of utilization of said services they would be a bit more punctual, but like I said earlier, this is Mumbai. If I don’t get a train in the next five minutes, I’m going to be late. After what seems like a lifetime of staring at my watch, I finally hear the sound of a train entering the station’s tracks. But as luck would have it, it is extremely crowded, which leaves me no choice but to get on a vehicle that is packed like a tin of sardines. Situations like these which should be fairly normal for a young citizen is always a traumatic experience as I grab onto the side bars and manage to squish myself between a vegetable vendor and a rather large woman with an equally large bag. My right arm is clutched onto the handle above me while I try (key word being “try”) to make myself less claustrophobic. I cannot describe how overwhelming the combination of heavy deodorant, sweat and somewhat rotting vegetables is as a single odor. I’m just glad there aren’t any idiots who’ve decide to package and sell it as the new Chanel No. 5, because God it stinks. I really shouldn’t have bothered with makeup, as the humidity seems to be melting it away like it is with my optimistic mood. Is this really worth it for four measly stops? Well, I’m not being paid that much that I can afford a car or gas money, so I guess I can’t complain.

My heart finally stops beating like a junkie on an adrenaline kick as the train stops and I’m nearly shoved off onto the platform which is when I’m able to look around to get my bearings. 8:10 AM, which means I have 15 minutes to speed walk my way to the office with the possibility of getting a mild asthma attack.  It’s a little quieter now, as the area of my office is located on the outskirts of the main business hub. I usually like this part of my work routine, when I can walk by myself and collect my thoughts while observing the beautiful morning sun. But today is not one of those days, instead I’m trying to Usain Bolt my way to the eighth floor of the giant skyscraper looming in front of me, hopefully getting there before my boss does. Just as I enter the lobby, the elevator doors are halfway towards closing. “Wait! Hold the door!”, I yell without a second thought as I race into the elevator shaft just as it’s about to close. Panting heavily, I look up from the tiled floor into a pair of twinkling chocolate brown eyes.

“Cutting it close today Maya? I didn’t know you had it in you”, says Rohit bemusedly. “Well, you better believe it Agarwal, because this is how a bad day generally begins”, I wheeze out while fanning myself. “Come on, you’ve just entered the building. You haven’t even seen your work load yet. Don’t get worked up right now, because you know that’s definitely not how your spirit animal rolls,” he says while trying to suppress a chuckle. Rohit works for the marketing team, and is one of my closest colleagues. The first time I met him was during my first week at work, where I was walking out of the lounge carrying a tray of coffee. Being the klutz I am, I didn’t look where I was going and promptly spilled most of the coffee on him and the rest on the floor. I thought he would scream profanities at me but all he did was grab a bunch of tissues and started to clean the stain on his shirt. I must’ve looked terrified, because he just said,” Hey, it’s alright. It’s just a shirt, and shit like this happens all the time. Plus, you look like you’re new around here. I get it, we’ve all been there once,” and winked at me. “Besides, I always keep a spare shirt in the office in case of emergencies. So don’t worry! Now let me help you clean this up so that we can prepare some more coffee for the bosses”, and just like that, I had made a friend. After the mishap, he found me during lunch hour the next day and started speaking to me like we’ve known each other all our lives. The conversation wasn’t awkward like I thought it would be, so we continued to keep each other company during the next couple of lunch breaks. The rest is just history.

“Well, I’m quite sure a panda is far smarter than to leave a life that requires eating, sleeping and being the most adorable fluffy animal ever. I don’t have that option, well I could but that would involve declaring myself to the world as a fundamentally insane woman and ending up in a mental asylum. I just need to be in a panda onesie with the blood of her colleague’ s marring it when it’s done”, I retort with an attempt to do a sinister smirk (which probably looked more like I was having a seizure). “But if you want, I could make your death seem less gruesome by perhaps decorating your head with flowers afterwards, princess bride style if you want to go for the fresh faced look. Besides, an elevator shaft seems looks like the perfect spot for a bloody murder.” “OK, someone might be on her time of the month. No need to terrorize the male species just because your mood swings and cramps are terrible”, said Rohit defensively, with a show of hands indicating surrender of his morning torment session. “I’m NOT on my period Rohit, I’m just… iffy. Just because I’m cranky doesn’t mean my endometrium lining has decided to shed,” I huff as the elevator doors open up onto our office floor. “Fine then, Miss Iffy, I’ll see you at lunch if you’re still planning to execute your office murder. Bye Doll!" he says while turning towards his cubicle.

“Idiot”, I mutter as I stomp my feet to my cubicle and slump into my chair. I mean, I do love my friend, but he can really get on my nerves when he wants to. 8:27 AM. Yes, I’m still on time. At least the universe doesn’t hate me completely. I look around my desk for my schedule and latest reports when I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the stomach with an iron poker. Oh my God, could it actually be? Shut up Maya, It’s probably because you hadn’t finished your breakfast, now get your brain into work mode. I glance at the new messages and emails sent by the head accountant’s receptionist and realize that I have a review meeting in half an hour. Thankfully I had gone through our latest financial summary on the new project last night. Just as I’m about to stash the unwanted papers to the side, the pain returns, except this time it feels like a double whammy from the Rock. Please don’t let him be right, as I go through my phone to open my period tracking app. It’s day 26, with an annoyingly cheerful alert saying ‘Watch out for Satan’s waterfalls’ across the screen. I quickly make a beeline to the restrooms while continue my chant under my breath like a loon. It’s say to say, red was all I could see, figuratively and literally.

 Wonderful, as I get myself situated. This day could not get any worse, and it’s not even nine in the morning. I walk out of the restroom as quickly as I can to go to the board room. The cramps aren’t being any less torturous and I need to figure out a way to sit through a two-hour meeting without feeling the need to kill myself. Maybe I’ve got some Midol left over from my emergency kit, and start searching through the bottom drawers of my desk. All I manage to find are the empty packaging instead. C’mon, there’s got to be something that can help.

As I’m about to lose hope and decide to live out the rest of the day in constant pain, I see a rather full packet of chocolate. Not just any chocolate, 50%, delicious as sin, dark chocolate. I immediately tear the wrapper open and bite into it. I suppose the Genie of the universe isn’t so bad, as I savor the taste of the chocolate, instantly relieving my pain and delighting my taste buds. Dark chocolate always works in times of crises. That and a tub of ice cream. Maybe I should carry some with me, I mean, I can’t afford snapping at someone in the middle of it, can I? At least that’s what I tell myself as I smuggle the entire bar into the board room with my files hiding it from visibility. Anyways, it’s not like I really need to speak during the session, I’m still just a junior at the company.

“Good morning guys, thanks for being here on time and thanks for the coffee Tina. I hope everyone has read up on the latest reports, because we’ve got a long two hours’ worth of brain storming to do. Maya, can you hand me today’s agenda please? It's on the table beside you,” says my boss, with his hand out to take the papers. “Here you go Sir”, handing the agenda of the project with a muffled voice as my mouth is still half full. Thankfully, he didn’t seem to notice and continued sorting through the rest of the reports.

“Alright, Arman can you get us started? Let’s go through the statistics we received first”. I quietly pop another morsel of chocolate and seat myself at the back of the table. Yeah, this is going to be a really long two hours. But at least I’ve got dark chocolate to get me through it.